just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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