I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize