Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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