Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
