How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
