Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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