so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
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