Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
