Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
