I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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