i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
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