There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
