Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
