my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
