I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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