she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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