Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
And then my night got REAL pukey
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Randomize
