My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
