bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
