you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
True strength comes from lack of pants
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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