Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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