can we get nightvision for the apartment?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
