last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
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