We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
