loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
