my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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