You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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