her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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