I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
