She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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