Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
