I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
