Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
