We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
