so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
