see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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