i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
