Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
