She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
