so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
And then he peed in my hair
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