She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
