Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
