Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize