im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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