We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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