we're blogging at a bar
need another drink. this is the easiest way
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
