You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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