i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
