I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
