Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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