so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
