Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
