I CAN MOONWALK!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
