I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
