i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
