We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
