put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
