The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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