Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
