I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
