dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
