He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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