I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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