Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
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