fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
