I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
