i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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