After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
where are my eyebrows?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize