Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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