$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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