my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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