What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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