Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
