So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
