so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
