I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
