Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
