Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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