Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
