You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
...so i touched it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
