there's paper in my vomit.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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