all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
