accomplished twins. life is a go
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
