If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize