You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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