i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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