He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
