i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize