I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
