life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
