I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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